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ayashiI did not write this, but it is very amusing and thus I post it here so it is not lost forever in the forums.
Once upon a time there was an Orc Warrior named Choppy. Choppy was a proud orc warrior and his best friend was a troll priest named Mome. They were best friends. They joined a guild called "THE REAL HORDE" in the beginning and have been happy members ever since. Upon hearing about the upcoming quest to kill Onyxia, Choppy practiced constantly, reaching level 60 and having very good gear, especially the Arcanite Reaper he had made. He was a happy orc warrior.
As the day to kill Onyxia arrived, Choppy met up with Mome and they rode into Orgrimmar, as THE REAL HORDE was meeting in the Orgrimmar Inn. They were proud to be part of such a powerful guild that would go down in history as the ones who had defeated the evil dragon. Choppy was happy that he was chosen to be the main tank against Onyxia by the leader of THE REAL HORDE, Draky the orc warlock.
However, when they reached the Inn, they noticed that there was not a single troll or orc member of THE REAL HORDE in attendence. Surely they were given the mail as well? Confused, Choppy went to the assistant guildmaster of THE REAL HORDE, a tauren shaman named Stompemgood.
Choppy: "Where are the orc and troll members? We need them to help us kill Onyxia!"
But Stompemgood laughed. "We voted to remove all of the weak races from THE REAL HORDE. After all, THE REAL HORDE is powerful in pvp and in pve! No need for weak Orc and Troll members!"
Choppy: "Orcs are not weak!"
Stompemgood laughed again. "Your puny Blood Fury is no match for WARSTOMP!" Stompemgood uses warstomp, and the inn quakes as the other tauren warstomp with him.
Choppy: "I'll show you! Duel me"
Choppy duels Stompemgood. Choppy lands an awesome crit Mortal Strike and dazes Stompemgood with Piercing Howl. However, Stompemgood uses warstomp, heals himself, then uses earthbind totem to keep Choppy from moving. Unable to reach Stompemgood, Choppy is pelted with frost shock, with one crit doing 1400+ damage. Choppy is defeated....
Choppy: "Ugh... warstomp...frost shock....too powerful for me......"
Stompemgood: "You are weak! REROLL OR LEAVE weak orc!"
Choppy: "I am a proud orc! One day I'll return and defeat you tauren and prove that orcs are the best!" Choppy limps out of the Inn, disgraced.
Mome tries to reason with Stompemgood. "Surely ya be needen' mah healing skills to fight de dragon mon?"
Stompemgood laughs again. "Weak troll, we have no need for you. If you wanted to be a real priest you would be Undead! Throwing skill +5 is no match for Devouring plague! Undead are fearless!
The undead members howl and shreak together as they use WOTF.
Mome, angered, shouts: "I can kill any of you undead mon!"
Stompemgood laughs. "Duel the new guild lieutenant: Skeledude!"
Skeledude, an undead priest comes up. "Duel meeeeeeee....."
They duel, and as they clash, they both use scream. Unfortunately, WOTF makes Skeledude immune and Mome is feared off, and defeated with a crit mind blast combined with shadow word pain, flay, and devouring plague.
Mome groans. "Devouring plague is.... too much... for me...."
Skeledude laughs, the undead shreak again as they use WOTF. "Begone weakling!"
Stompemrage laughs again, and warstomps with his fellow tauren. "Now we are really THE REAL HORDE! Without these weaklings we can stomp the monsters and fear the alliance!"
Mome and Choppy walk to the entrance of Orgrimmar as the sound of shreaking WOTF and the quaking warstomp are heard in the distance....
Choppy: "If only we could start our own guild of trolls and orcs, we could show them!"
Mome sighs. "Dat would be hard, mon, for everyone rolled da undead and da horde mon."
Choppy yelled: "Then we will leave the city and fight our enemies alone. We shall journey the land and become notorious amongst our allies and enemies!"
That day they set out on their grand adventure. Initially they are successful, but as they reach alliance lands, corpse runs are more frequent because it is overpopulated with Night Elf rogues and hunters.
Mome: "We cannot see dem enough... so many of dem."
Choppy: "I can kill many of them... but they outnumber us like the tauren and undead outnumber us in the horde...."
They look down the road and see a tauren shaman named Shockzilla. He is ganked by two rogues. However, the shaman warstomps and takes out one Night Elf rogue with a crit frost shock plus windfury in less than five seconds, leaving the other rogue alone. the rogue stealths but the shaman's earthbind catches him through stealth and the shaman windfuries him to death.
Choppy: "I see you didn't need our help."
Shockzilla: "I dont need any help from you weak trolls and orcs. No raids for you noobs!"
Mome and Choppy are depressed. Journeying further, they encounter a human paladin named Valius walking along the road from Darkshire to Netherguarde Keep.
Mome: "I've heard about those guys, they are impossible to beat!"
Choppy: "I don't know Mome, he doesn't look so tough...."
Choppy charges Valius. They fight, and Choppy forces Valius to use his shields. Choppy bandages easily, and Valius cannot run because he is hamstringed. Valius lands a crit seal of command but Choppy is healed by Mome. Valius falls to his knees and awaits death.
Choppy: "That was too easy.... I feel so bad for this paladin, he is all alone, he is like us.. exiled from our homes because we are weak..."
Mome hesitates but agrees. "We should help him." They give him food and Mome heals him, and they make camp. At first Mome uses holy sign language to communicate with Valius. However, Choppy is fluent in 1337 5/*34|< and they communicate.
Choppy: "\/\/|-|/-\7 1 5 \/\/ 12 0 /\/ (_- ?" (What is wrong?)
Valius: "/\/\ 3 = \/\/ 3 4 |<" (Me = weak)
They talk some more, and Choppy translates for Mome.
Mome: "What did he say Choppy?"
Choppy: "This paladin is an outcast because the Alliance want someone who can do damage. Paladins don't do damage, and seal of command only works once a day. Human racial traits also are bad..... he is constantly harassed for who he is... like us."
Mome: "But all those stories by shaman how paladins eat babies and crap thunder. . . one paladin singlehandedly destroyed all of shamandom many years ago!"
Choppy: "Those stories are a bunch of lies. . . perpetrated by the shamen so they can keep their powers. . . poor paladins. They are like us, our racial abilites a stigma for us. . . no one likes orcs or trolls in the horde. . . and no one likes paladins in the alliance. we are weak. . . "
Mome: "I want proof. . . there goes Shockzilla. ."
Mome and Choppy hide in the bushes, as Shockzilla chases down Valius in ghost wolf form. Valius uses seals and blessings, but Shockzilla purges them and laughs, followed by warstomp. Valius tries to heal but he is earthshocked and cannot. Valius cries in pain as windfury slices his armor, which is already battered and broken because paladins cannot farm money.
Choppy: "No we cannot let this tauren kill him!"
They jump in and help Valius. In the ensuing battle, Choppy lands an awesome crit Mortal Strike for 1600 on Shockzilla. Choppy almost dies from being slowed by frost shock but valius cleanses him. The battle lasts hours, but finally, Choppy executes Shockzilla after shockzilla knocks Valius and Mome out with shock spam.
Choppy: "I know not what evil gods gave you your powers. . . but you have been defeated vile tauren shamen."
As Choppy turns to help Mome and Valius up, Shockzilla revives and frost shocks Choppy in the back, and Choppy is knocked out. Valius watches as Shockzilla turns to attack him and finish him off, but a crack from a rifle finally defeats Shockzilla. A dwarf hunter named Remington walks up. "Are ye guys okay?" He aims his gun at Mome but Valius stops him. "They helped me... we must get them away before the shaman revives.
Choppy and Mome awake on the beach as Valius and Remington are fishing.
Mome (signing): Valius who is that guy?
Valius (signing): He is a dwarf named Remington.
Choppy (leet): A dwarf hunter, I did not know such a thing existed. . . so many night elf hunters. . .
Remington (speaks leet when drunk): Aye, we are a rare lot, but they force meh ta use a bow. A BOW! What kind of cruel creator makes a bow more powerful than a gun! And bestows upon the world more bows! (remington produces a staff) Look at this crap! (the staff morphs into a bow and back) This is my epic reward!!!!!
Choppy (leet): I see, we are all underappreciated by the gods of our world.
And by the campfire there the four swore an oath to work together and find a way to appease the gods in the (hopeless) effort to get them to bestow power upon to them. Working together, they managed to kill a shamen 4 on 1. Working together, Mome defeated an undead priest with Valius cleansing devouring plague from him. Working together, they were able to spam aoe and detect the stealthed night elves before they could cheap shot / sword sinister strike spam them to death. It was the beginning of a new alliance, a new horde, dedicated to creating balance in a world that had not seen balance since warcraft 1. . .
Choppy was a proud orc. He was happy he had made new friends. With Remington and Valius they were able to reduce their corpse runs by about 20% and enjoyed the ability to be able to defeat one Tauren shamen at a time. Valius taught Mome and Choppy to speak Common and Choppy made Valius a sweet arcanite reaper, which allowed Valius to do damage once a day. However, Choppy was still depressed.
Mome: "What be wrong my friend?"
Choppy: "I am wondering what happened to Draky."
Valius: "Who is Draky?"
Choppy: "He is a mighty orc warlock, the greatest in the world!"
Choppy explained to his friends how Draky founded THE REAL HORDE and turned it into the greatest guild the Horde had ever known, and why he owes so much to Draky.
Choppy: "Draky picked me up off the streets of Orgrimmar and taught me what it means to be a proud Orc."
Valius: "This orc sounds honorable, we must find him if we are to bring balance back to the world of warcraft."
The group agrees on the decision and they begin their walk to Draky's house in the Badlands. However, when they arrived, the house was destroyed, the ground covered in warstomp prints.
Mome: "They beat us to him 'mon."
Choppy and his friends sift through the rubble and find a note from Stompemgood.
"We are going to wipe out all weak races! Come get your weak master at Blackrock Mountain!"
Remington: "Blackrock Mountain? Aye thats just south of here."
Choppy: "We must save him!"
Along the way they see a Human Warlock named Virco who is being constantly sapped by 3 undead rogues. Virco recovers and casts fear but the undead rogues use WOTF and keep him sapped while they kill his beloved felhunter.
Valius: "If we can save that warlock his felhunter can reveal the hidden undead for us!"
Mome: "But how can we beat 3 of them? There could be tons more!"
Remington: "I can handle this!"
Remington casts volley around Virco, and the rogues are temporarily revealed. Valius casts blessing of protection on Virco and Choppy attacks one of the rogues, using rend to keep him from vanishing, followed by hamstring and mortal strike and thunder clap and heroic strike,killing him. The other two rogues attack Valius, but thanks to his retribution aura and shields, he can keep healing and the rogues scurry off screaming imbalance, typing furious complaints to the god masters (gms).
Virco: "Thank you guys. I thought I was going to be sapped forever! Paladin look out you have horde with you! (casts fear on Choppy and Choppy runs off a cliff).
Valius: "No no they are our friends, they saved us. We are on a quest to bring world balance! Join us and we will work on making sure the god masters hear our pleas."
Virco: "A world with balance.... I couldn't imagine anything more beautiful than that!"
Virco joins up and they summon Choppy back from the bottom of the cliff.
Virco: "Sorry about that."
Choppy: "It is okay. Could you help us rescue my friend Draky? He is being held hostage by the evil tauren shaman, Stompemgood, in Blackrock Mountain."
Virco: "Anything to kill those overpowered SOBS!"
The party huddles around Virco's pet felhunter in order to keep the undead rogues away. One of the rogues attacks but Valius uses hammer of justice on him, followed by an awesome crit Mortal Strike from Choppy.
Mome: "Valius, why don't you use turn undead on the undead rogues? Or exorcism?"
Valius sighs. "The god masters took away my ability to kill the undead a long time ago. However they left my abilities in tact as a cruel joke."
Mome: "But the undead always told me that the paladins could exorcise them from miles away and cast fear that made the undead run from one end of the world to the other!"
Valius laughs and sighs again. "The only time the undead run from one end to the other is when they are chasing me."
Mome: "All those lies the tauren and undead told me about you paladins. I am sorry for misunderstanding you Valius."
They make it into the mountain and cross the chains to see Draky being permasapped by the undead rogues, while undead priests mind control and fear stray alliance, orcs, and trolls into the lava for free 10% durability loss. Choppy sees Stompemgood on top of the rock.
Choppy: "Let my friend go Stompemgood! How can you betray him?! He was a father figure to us!"
Stompemgood laughs. "Weakling, I knew you were weak but you brought a PALADIN with you to stop us?" Stompemgood and his cronies laugh hysterically at Valius, who is sad.
Choppy: "You won't get away!"
Many undead rogues appear and undead priests with them. They all shreak as they use WOTF, making them immmune to Virco and Mome's fear moves. However, the rogues advancing are caught by Remington's freezing trap, allowing the party to run up the stairs to the top of the rock and reach Stompemgood, who is guarded by Shockzilla and Skeledude.
Choppy: "Why do you oppose balance?!"
Stompemgood laughs. "We are balanced! Don't you get it? While you ally with overpowered paladins, innocent tauren and undead are dying by the thousands at the hands of their 1000 damage holy shocks and feared off cliffs!"
Valius: "Your hypocrasy is appalling."
Stompemgood: "The paladin thinks hes balanced!" THE REAL HORDE members laugh, echoing throughout the mountain. "Paladins don't know anything about balance!"
Choppy's group engages in battle with Stompemgood's group. The cloaked undead are discovered by Virco's felhunter and Remington chucks dynamite at them. Choppy attacks Stompemgood while Valius attacks Shockzilla. As Skeledude tries to spam devouring plague, Mome mind controls him and jumps him into the lava. The battle is going extremely well for CHoppy's group until....
Stompemgood: "Their imbalance is too much, we're losing 5 on 2!"
Shockzilla: "We must use our most balanced move!"
Both shamen cast grace of air totem and gain -agility, which grants them 100% dodge and crit. Shockzilla crits Remington's sewer beast for 1200 followed by a 1400 shock, while Stompemgood windfuries Choppy into submission. Valius tries to heal him but he is earthshocked. Mome tries to heal but the party is chain warstomped. The shamen use astral recall and Choppy tries to unchain his friend Draky.
Draky: "Choppy my friend, you will do well in founding a new guild dedicated to world balance."
Choppy: "Come with us!"
Draky: "It is too late, the god masters have answered their pleas and i have lost the ability to move!"
Valius: "Damned god masters! Do they not listen to the plight of the meek?"
Draky: "You have a warlock amongst you. Though he be human, he is just as broken as I am, yearning to be fixed and returned to a state of balance. Do not worry about me, for death is a release. I will no longer be laughed because I look stupid riding a felsteed!"
Choppy: "I won't forget all that you have done for me!"
Choppy turns and sees the tauren shamen and warriors warstomping the chains, causing the rock to fall closer into the lava. Choppy and his friends get off and run to the exit as the central rock collapses into the lava.
Valius: "The quest for balance will claim many a life."
Mome: "That be true mon"
Remington: "Damn right, would you believe I have to trade bullets for arrows now! That isn't right at all! Why must I be cursed forever to use a flimsy stick with a string to fight my enemies?! And my pet doomed to being useless?!"
Choppy: "We will all achieve balance one day Remington. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger!"
Virco: "Too bad now that we won the god masters will nerf us soon."
Valius: "Can they nerf me through my shield?"
Virco: "Yep"
Valius cries.
And so, having gained a friend and lost another, Choppy and his friends continue the beaten path, destined to search for balance until the end of time, while Stompemgood and THE REAL HORDE continue to abuse their relationship with the god masters.
Choppy was a proud orc. But he sad to have lost his good friend Draky. Draky submitted to the distruction as the god masters deemed the prayers of Stompemgood and his cohorts worthy enough to strip Draky of his ability to walk in the name of balance. Draky bid farewell to his friend, telling Choppy to lead his friends in the name of balance. Though weak alone, together they were strong enough to take on one shaman, and with the addition of Virco to their party, they cut their corpse runs by 35%.
After the incident in Blackrock Mountain, the group decided to set up shop in Booty Bay. Here they pondered there next plan.
Choppy: What can we do to appease the god masters and gain balance?
The group debated the issue for many days.
Valius: We could try to organize a class strike!
Virco: That wouldn't work, since everyone is night elf on the alliance, and everyone is tauren and undead on the horde. If we call a balance strike, only one or two dozen people would show up.
Choppy: That would be bad! Stompemgood would have us all bottled up in one spot to warstomp us to death!
Remington: Aye, that would be bad! I want to live to see balance!
As they continued to debate, the shreaks of WOTF were heard outside: the undead rogues and priests were in combat with the night elf hunters and rogues again.
Mome: Dis place be bad for our health, mon.
Valius: We should sneak over to the boat and ride to the Barrens!
Choppy and Mome cry.
Choppy: But the Barrens is so big.....
Mome: We spent most of our lives there, mon.
But Valius would not hear it.
Valius: If we are to save balance in the world of warcraft, we must go!
So they left the inn and made their way to the dock. However, the second they walked out they were promptly feared into the water. They walked back up the ramp and onto the ship, but it was loaded with night elf and undead rogues sinister striking (with swords) each other, their thrash blade procs constantly adding an additional hit.
Remington: We're gonna die before we leave the dock!
Choppy: We should swim along the beach and go to Grom'Gol! They have a zepplin there!
Valius sighs : That zepplin is so not fair!
Mome: But you paladins have instant transmission, you can go anywhere in the universe!
Valius sighs again.
Mome: Oh, shaman story, right.
Virco casts unending breath on them and they jump off the boat and swim north. While swimming they encounter a bunch of Tauren and Night Elf druids swimming in waterform fighting eachother. Unable to defeat eachother, they smell the weakness given off by Choppy and his friends and they swim after them.
Choppy: Oh no, druids!
Valius: Whats wrong with druids?
Choppy: They entangle me forever and it always works!
One of the druids entangles Choppy but Valius cleanses him.
Valius uses seal of command and to his luck its one a day proc works. However he is instantly entangled. Choppy charges the druid heading for Valius, landing an awesome crit Mortal Strike, but he too is entangled. Valius cleanses them both and Mome uses fear to fear off the first wave.
Valius: That wasn't so hard!
Then one of the druids starts to spam moonfire on Valius.
Valius: Ow ow! (uses heal) Ow! (cleanses moonfire) Ow! Ow! Does it ever stop?!
Virco: Those damned hypocrites! Always spewing their lies about balance when they themselves are broken! (turns to the Night Elf druid) We're on a quest to bring world balance!
NE DRUID: We are balanced! Die imbalanced warlock!
Tauren Druid: Yes but we're more balanced! You guys have shadowmeld!
The NE Druids stop in their tracks.
NE DRuid: What the hell? SHADOWMELD?! You guys have warstomp!
The Tauren druids and the NE druids begin to fight eachother again. The Tauren druids warstomp so hard that the island they are on sinks, but not before Choppy and his friends reach the next island.
Mome: That was close, mon.
They reach Grom'gol. Virco fears off one guard and Remington traps another as they all get onto the Zepplin.
Remington: This damned contraption, I feel filthy riding it. You would think the god masters would let us dwarves fly our own flying machines but noooooo! We build the airport FOR NOTHING!
Mome: But you do have the Deep Run Tram ya know mon.
Remington: It takes me from one newbie zone to the other! Yours takes you to both continents, plus to Stranglethorn! The Alliance doesn't even HAVE A BASE in Stranglethorn!
Choppy: Now that you mention it, that does seem rather unfair.
The zepplin leaves as the Tauren DRuids, having stomped their NE brothers into submission, reach the base of the tower.
Tauren Druid: WHY DON'T WE HAVE A FLYING FORM?! GM!!!!!
God Master: You rang, oh weakling Tauren?
Tauren DRuid: WE NEED A FLYING FORM TO CATCH THE ZEPPLIN!
God Master: Gotcha, flying form for tauren druid. You wanna warstomp in the air while you are at it?
Tauren Druid: YES!
God Master: Okay, it'll be in the next patch. I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in the world of warcraft!
As the Zepplin's engine propels them northward, Choppy looks over the edge at the ocean, knowing that the Tauren are right behind him, and the undead wait for him at the end of the Zepplin's journey.
Valius: This is going to the undercity?!
Mome: Ya mon it be headin' there.
Remington: Just great, and I am out of (shudders) arrows (shudders again).
Just then the clouds part and a God Master appears before them.
God Master: You there, hunter!
Remington: A god master? Where the hell have you been all my life?
God Master: (coughs a bit) SILENCE MORTALS. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THE MASS PRAYING BY NIGHT ELF HUNTERS HAS LED US TO BESTOW UPON THEM RENEWED STRENGTH TO THE HUNTER CLASS. NO LONGER SHALL YOUR ENEMY DODGE YOUR SHOTS, AND YOUR PETS WILL NOT HAVE THEIR STRENGTH FURTHER REDUCED!
Remington yawns: Is that it? Get away from me!
God Master: I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY- (coughs) oh yeah heres a new bow. I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY IN THE WORLD OF WARCRAFT.
The light gradually retreats to the clouds, but stops halfway.
God Master: Almost forgot! (clears throat) HENCEFORTH, SEDUCE SHALL NOW COUNT TOWARDS FEAR!
Virco: Why have you forsaken me my lord, why?!!!
Virco's Succubus appears and jumps off the zepplin, using Virco's sack of soul shards to drown herself.
Virco: The only girl I ever knew... wait, that wench took my soul shards! DAMNIT! ALL THAT WORK FOR NOTHING!
Virco tries to jump over the side after her but he is restrained by Choppy and Valius.
The God Master disappears as Valius reads last rites for the succubus and Mome casts mind soothe on Virco.
And so Choppy and his friends fly towards the Undercity, fully aware of the irony that their quest for balance takes them to the home of the undead. The shreaks of WOTF can be heard even as the Zepplin leaves STV. But Choppy is a proud orc, and he will find Balance one way or the other.
Choppy was a proud orc. He had successfully led his friends away from danger in Stranglethorn by taking the zepplin. He was happy to be on the quest for balance, and he would complete it, no matter how long it would take.
But while Choppy and his friends were flying to the glades, a meeting of imbalanced proportions was being held in Thunder Bluff.....
Stompemgood (warstomps): The hourly Tauren Shamen "We're the only balanced class" Meeting has begun. (warstomps around the bluffs) Yes I know, its very hard to get balance with paladins being so hard to kill! They are so imbalanced! (more warstomps)
Shockzilla stands up: Stompemgood and I were ambushed 5 on 2... and we had to use astral recall!!!!
(gasps and shreaks heard from the tauren shamen)
Shockzilla: I know! Those damned paladins are so imbalanced! They cleansed frost shock!
(tears come to many Tauren Shamen eyes)
Shockzilla: If only I could've shocked faster, I could've killed them faster!
Stompemgood: Fear not Shockzilla, for we have voted on a new idea to help us. You see, had we had the ability to range stun, like PALADINS (gasps and cries), we would be balanced. Thus, we will be appeasing to the God Masters this new move!
(http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.aspx?fn=wow-shaman&t=101544&p=1&tmp=1#post101544)
Stompemgood: AIR SHOCK!!!!!
(cheers and applause, warstomp)
Stompemgood: A ranged stun knockback!
Random Tauren Shamen: PRAISE BE THE EARTHMOTHER! (warstomp warstomp warstomp)
However an random Orc Shamen speaks up.
Friankara: lightning is our air elemental attack already. not everything has to be a shock!
Stompemgood: WHO LET THAT WEAK ORC IN HERE? ORCS ARE NOT SHAMEN!
Friankara is immediately frost shocked to death and her corpse warstomped to dust.
Stompemgood: ANY OTHER ORCS?
Shockzilla: I smell no more weakness!
Stompemgood: Very good. Now, the next item for review is our upcoming EPIC QUEST REWARD!!
(http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.aspx?fn=wow-shaman&t=100021&p=1&tmp=1#post100021)
Stompemgood: WHAT IS THIS CRAP? WE SHOULD HAVE +20% SPELL CRIT AND +99 ALL STATS IN ORDER TO BE BALANCED WITH PALADINS!
(warstomp warstomp)
Shockzilla: Boooooo. We must sacrifice more gnomes to the God Masters to have them hear our plight!
Stompemgood: Indeed! (warstomp warstomp)
A bunch of gnomes are thrown from Thunder Bluff.
Stompemgood: That'll teach them to use escape artist on our brother druid's entangle! Such imbalance! (warstomp) Now, on to the final item for now: SHOCK RANGE!
(boos and angry warstomps)
Stompemgood: 20 yards is not enough! If we are to be balanced, it must be long enough so we can smack hunters!
(as they warstomp more, the clouds part and the light comes down)
God Master: My children, I have heard thine pleas and tasted the blood of the sacrificed gnome. Your wishes are my command and they shall be in the next patch.
(lots of cheering, warstomps. The light returns to the clouds)
Stompemgood: This meeting has ended; go in balance my brothers. We must continue to fight for balance! TRUE BALANCE! WE ARE THE REAL HORDE!
And so THE REAL HORDE left thunder bluff to ponder what to say in the next meeting, only an hour away, but to a Tauren Shaman, it is almost an eternity.
Choppy saw the mainland. Soon they would be landing. Valius was scared because he is powerless against the undead. Choppy knew he might have to fight all of the undead rogues by himself. He was ready to use relatialtion, but he knew that one kidney shot would spell their doom. But Choppy was a proud Orc, and he was not going to stop his quest for balance. Bravely he took the first step off the zepplin and onto the platform....
And so it shall be.....
Choppy was a proud Orc, perhaps the proudest Orc in all of Azeroth next to Thrall himself. He was the leader of the quest for balance. He was very happy to have friends and be able to quest without fear of being ganked (most of the time). However, as he led his friends into Tirisfal Glades, he could hear the shreaks of the Undead as they WoTF'd their hearts out for the Banshee Queen. But he would not be afraid. The world must have balance, and he was determined to see this quest through to the end. With this newfound courage, he walked onto the zepplin platform, followed by Mome , Virco, and Remington. He placed his sweet arcanite reaper on his shoulder, ever ready to land some awesome crits in the name of balance.
Choppy: My friends, we have arrived in this darkened land, but let us persevere; we shall see balance, and there is no greater a place to start than in the heart of imbalance: Tirisfal Glades.
But Valius was afraid, and he did not get off the zepplin. Choppy sighed, took a deep breath, and turned to him: he had to share his courage with Valius.
Choppy first turned to Valius:
Choppy: Valius, what is wrong, my friend?
Valius was frozen in fear: The undead...are scary....
Mome: But you are da fearless paladin, mon! Exorcise dem!
Valius looked down and chuckled, fear in his voice: Have you ever...tried to use shackle undead on the undead?
Mome: Ya, mon. I shackled dem skeletons all de time in da Stratholme!
Valius: Well, it won't work here....those undead you fought were not protected by the God Masters...
But Mome would not hear it. He walked past Choppy and began to go down the spiral stair case.
Choppy: I remember, as a child, I was told stories about a mighty paladin who didn't take crap from anyone. He was the greatest paladin of all....what was his name?
Valius' eyes looked up, a sense of holy pride filled his body as he stood up and looked Choppy in the eye: Uther! I must go for Uther!
However, he soon felt despair again: "But Uther was killed... by a level 3 death knight....
Choppy: Wow that sucks. I didn't know such imbalance even existed back then.
But Choppy was a clever orc: he would turn pessimism into optimism.
Choppy: Uther would want you to continue his fight , to carry on his legacy! He was a proud paladin. You must be proud too!
Valius looked like a new man.
Valius: I AM PROUD! His legacy shall not be forgotten! We are in the land he once called home...I must pay respect to his gravesite!!!
Valius walked off the zepplin and went down the stairs. Choppy hefted his axe and followed them down. He told them that they were going to sneak into the Western Plaguelands to pay their respects to Uther's grave.
Remington: Dun worry boys, I gots me RADAR all set up to see those bastard undead!
However, 2 undead rogues appeared and began to backstab Virco. Virco, having lost his shards when his succubus committed suicide, had only his imp out.
Virco: Damn you succubus, damn you!!!!
Mome quickly cast power word: shield on him. He tried fear, but their shreaks of WoTF dispelled it. An undead priest joined the fight and feared the group.
Choppy: Use our pvp pendents!
The all use them, but the priest just fears them again.
Remington: (inaudible cursing)
Choppy uses his warrior abilities to ignore the fear. He charges the priest and lands an awesome crit Mortal Strike, followed by an execute. The priest is killed. He then turns to fight the rogues, but they stunlock him. Mome runs up to save his friend.
Mome: SHACKLE UNDEAD!!!
But the spell doesn't work, and the undead laugh at him. Mome then turns to Valius: Exorcise dem man!
But Mome realizes that it didn't work.
Remington, having shaken off his fear, marks one of the rogues. Having run out of *shudder* arrows, he is forced to use his old faithful gun. The smoke puffs from the barrel, and the undead rogue is hit. He turns and runs at Remington. However, with the combined firepower from Remington, Virco, and Virco's imp, they force the undead rogue to run away.
The final rogue, having stunned Choppy, runs at Valius. Valius engages him in combat, but is unable to land a good hit, as seal of command only works once a day.
Valius: Come on COmmand, work for the love of all that is holy!
But it did not work. The undead rogue slammed his mace into Valius, activating the mace specialization, stunning him. Valius saw no choice but to activate his shield. He readied himself....
Remington: Dun do it man! Ya use it and the God Masters will nerf you!
But Valius uses his divine shield. The power of the light surrounds him and the rogue's stuns fade. He quickly heals himself, and turns to fight the rogue...only to find that he has run away.
Inside the Undercity, the undead feel the light eminating from Valius. Skeledude, Stompemgood's left hand man, rallies his undead friends. Tossing gnomes from the top floor, they complain to the god masters.
Two God Masters appear to them...Eyonix the Speedy, and Fangtooth the Sly
Fangtooth: What is wrong?
But Skeledude was very cunning.
Skeledude: Go away Fang.....we want to talk to Eyonix....
Fangtooth leaves. The undead complain to Eyonix, who promises them quick response that will make the front page of the God Master newsletter, as it was done with the shamen.
Fangtooth, in his quest to further abuse the denizens of Azeroth, smiled as he saw Valius used his Divine Shield.
Fangtooth: I shall appease to his despair, and toy with them, for reading the complaints of any class except shaman is not worth my time!
He soared through the elevators out of Undercity and flew to the Bulwark, where the party managed to sneak across the border, for the undead were all in the Undercity complaining.
Fangtooth appeared before them.
Choppy: A God Master!
Remington: Ah crap, not another one! (he pulls his old gun out) Are ye here to take mah gun from me? How about me pet? Huh? The one that has good run speed? Huh? You want to take my-
Fangtooth: SILENCE MORTAL! BUT NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, I NEED A DRINK!
Fangtooth steals Remington's drinks. Remington cries.
Fangtooth: YOU THERE, PALADIN!
Valius looks up.
Fangtooth: I UNDERSTAND YOU ARE ON A QUEST TO VISIT UTHER'S GRAVE. I WILL AID YOU IN YOUR QUEST OF BALANCE: RETURN TO ME UTHER'S HAMMER AND I SHALL FIGHT WITH YOU FOR BALANCE!
But Mome was not impressed.
Mome: Be veery careful, mon. De trolls were once taken in by dis GM's promises...we have yet to-
Valius was excitied: For many a year had paladins tried to get the God Master's attentions: He might be the first!
Valius: I SHALL GET UTHER'S HAMMER FOR YOU! I SHALL NOT FAIL, FOR BALANCE MUST COME BACK TO THE WORLD!
Fangtooth faked a godly laugh of approvement: VERY WELL MY LITTLE PLAYTHI- I MEAN- MY MIGHTY PALADIN. I LOOK FORWARD TO HOLDING UTHER'S HAMMER IN MY HANDS AS I FIGHT FOR YOU IN THE HOME OF THE GOD MASTERS: IRVINEA! FARE THEE WELL MY LOYAL SUBJECTS!
Fangtooth turns around and ascends back into the clouds, giggling like a school girl. Little did Valius know the true goal of Fangtooth, and the role he would play in the corruption of Uther's Hammer...
Choppy: I feel...uneasy...but if we can have a God Master on our side, he will be a great ally in our quest for balance! Let us go!
Choppy was proud to lead his friends into the Western Plaguelands. He was also proud that Valius was full of courage to face the undead. Now they walked into the dark sunset, with the goal to find the grave of Uther.
**********I STOPPED HERE *************
Choppy was a proud Orc. He was leading his friends on a quest to bring balance to the World of Warcraft. He and his friends realized that alone they were weak, but together they could fight off a shaman, or run away from a druid. But they failed in their quest to save Draky, Choppy's friend and mentor. But Choppy knew that they did the best they could: no 5 man party could hope to take on two warstomping shamen with an undead screaming priest. Draky, using the last ounce of strength not nerfed from him by the God Masters, told Choppy that he had to lead his friends towards balance, the proverbial shining light at the end of the tunnel. Choppy saw the light, and each day they journeyed closer to it.
But things were different today. Choppy led his friends through the Bulwark with instructions given to them by the God Master Fangtooth, who promised to help fight for balance. But to battle those who would defend the imbalance, Fangtooth appeared to the paladin Valius and asked him to return Uther's Hammer from the tomb of Uther, in the Western Plaguelands. Valius, having become the first Paladin to be able to call forth a God Master who did not nerf them, was filled with courage. He took up his hammer and held it to the sky, proclaiming that he would return to Fangtooth the hammer of Uther, the very hammer by which imbalance was struck down with for many years. Valius knew that balanced died with Uther. Perhaps, if Fangtooth fought off the God Masters of imbalance with Uther's hammer, balance could be restored!
However, as they traveled east on the beaten path, the sun rose, revealing the large battle that had been taking place around them. Night Elf rogues and hunters, with their druid brothers, were engaging the undead. However, they were backed by Tauren Shamen and Druids. Warstomps quaked through the Western Plaguelands; trees fell, chasms opened, and the sky was thick with dust.
Choppy knew that if one side was able to defeat the other, they would gain supremacy of the land, thus bringing down the potential chance for him to bring balance to the land. He knew something had to be done. Choppy turned to his companions.
Choppy: The night elves are losing. As much as I hate them and their cowardly stealthing, we must make sure that they do not lose.
Mome: What for mon? If dey lose, den-
Remington: If those damnable Night Elves lose, they will lose the favor of their God Masters!
Mome realized what Choppy meant: If DA REAL HORDE gains da support of dem Night Elf God Masters, den da world will be doomed! I 'ate dem elves, but we must help them!
Valius, however, was determined to get Uther's hammer: We must make haste to Uther's Tomb!
Choppy had to convince Valius, but Valius rode off on his warhorse.
Valius: I shall meet you all at the tomb! Good luck!
Remington laughed: When paladins set out to bring balance, they are blind to everything else.
Choppy led his friends to Chillwind point, where they were attacked by Night Elf Rogues. In the ensuing fight, Choppy lands an awesome crit Mortal Strike on the lead rogue, knocking him out of battle. Choppy heard the sound of even more night elves emerging from stealth. He knew what had to be done.
Choppy: Mome! Virco! Remington! Lay down your weapons....we must talk with them...
A night elf rogue walked forward: An Orc that speaks Common? What kind of blasphemy is this?
Remington stepped forward: Shut yer trap ya filthy elf, we're here to help you defeat 'em Tauren 'n Undead!
One of the night elf hunters raised his bow but Remington pulled his rifle and shot it out of his hand.
Remington: Yer damned twig is'a kiddie toy. I'VE GOT A GUN. A GUN IS A TRUE HUNTER'S WEAPON. YOU WILL ALL LISTEN TA ME!
The Night Elf hunters lowered their weapons to listen. The night elf rogues destealthed and the night elf druids came out of cat form.
Remington: Listen 'ere! Them dirty walking hambugers are on their way here. Them shamen are quite the bloody cheaters, so we're here to help you guys from losing!
A night elf druid spoke up: You smell weak to me....
Choppy: We are not weak! Together we can accomplish anything! Why, just last week we killed a shaman!
The night elves, stunned, talk amongst themselves in approval.
One of the night elves walked forward.
Centria: My name is Centria, and I lead these men. ... if you are a shaman slayer, we will need you to help us hold Chillwind Point....
Mome spoke up: Why 'avn't you elf guys attacked the horde?
Centria: Because the Bulwark is not contested territory for some reason....
Choppy: Wow I never knew that.
But Mome was worried: Our paladin isn't here to slay the shamen!
Choppy looked at him.
Mome: Oh ya mon, shaman stories. My bad.
Choppy: We will hold them off, but we must not move any closer. We must maintain our ground...for if we chase the shamen, they will only earthbind us...you all know that frost shock is not a very nice thing to be hit with....
Virco stood up: And I know you NE Druids want to make a barbaque out of those heretic Tauren druids! I mean what the hell, war stomp for a DRUID? How did they become druids in the first place!
NE DRUID: They ARE NOT DRUIDS!
Virco: The druids and I shall handle the cow druids. Bring the A&W sauce boys, tonight we're having steak!
Virco marches off, leading the druids to their position: To hold the horde off at the bridge of Anderhol.
Choppy gathered the Night Elf rogues and Hunters.
Choppy: All these rogues and hunters.. we are your priests?
Centria: We can become priests?
Choppy sighed: No matter, my friend Mome is a proud Troll priest: he will heal your wounds. We must hold Chillwind Point at all costs!
The night elves raise their daggers/bows in the air. But the cries of battle are shuddered as the sounds of WOTF shreaking in the forest combined with the warstomping sends a chill into their souls.
Centria: We will send a runner for help from Ironforge....
Remington: Aye we need some more dwarf power here! A couple clubs will send those walking dead straight back to hell!
Meanwhile, riding alone, Valius reaches the tomb of Uther. Dismounting his warhorse, he walks up to the statue, only to find the corpse of the night elf cleric who kept watch over the holy site.
Valius: There is evil afoot!
Valius pulls out his hammer: Come forth and face me!
Valius, however, is stunned as Shockzilla comes out from behind the statue.
Shockzilla: Remember me, oh imbalanced one? That priest there was making quite a racket!
Valius: How did you defeat that elite night elf guy?
Shockzilla warstomps.
Valius: Oh yeah...that thing....
On top of the hill behind the tomb, Fangtooth smiled, an evil laugh escaping his mouth. He would soon have the power he needed to enforce his own balance upon the world....
Fangtooth: It doesn't matter who beats who, in the end, I will win this fight myself....
Choppy was a proud orc. He knew that he had to fight to bring world balance. He however did not plan on taking on THE REAL HORDE so fast, nor allying with so many night elf hunters and rogues. But he knew that it had to be done. He hoped that Valius would not get into something that he could not handle. But the battle was coming. Choppy hefted his sweet Arcanite Reaper and readied himself. Today he would show Stompemgood that he was a proud orc: the true warrior of the Horde.
Choppy was a proud Orc, and he was an Orc with a mission: to bring balance back to the World of Warcraft. He and his friends, bound together by their desire for balance, journeyed the land in search of it. This journey led them to the Western Plaguelands.
Here, the God Master Fangtooth appeared and gave a quest of divine balance to Valius: to find Uther's Hammer and return it to Fangtooth. Valius knew that years before, in the Second War, balance was nearly achieved. He knew that balance died with Uther when he was slain by a level 3 Death Knight and a couple ghouls, despite the fact that he had a couple paladins with him. Valius was determined to restore Uther's honor and balance.
Choppy and his friends, minus Valius, joined the Night Elf Hunters/Rogues/Druids in the defense of Chillwind Point, as the THE REAL HORDE was readying an assault upon the encampment. The Tauren warstomped and the undead WotFed, but Choppy was not scared. He picked up his sweet arcanite reaper and readied himself to take the first wave of THE REAL HORDE'S assault.
The first attack was very large, consisting of Tauren Shamen and Undead Rogues, backed by Undead Priests.
Choppy: Not a single Orc or Troll within their ranks...
Remington: That be good news man; butcher 'em all!
Choppy used Challenging Shout to taunt the first wave of shamen. They ran after him and used frost shock and windfury, but Mome quickly healed him. He used his favorite move: Sweeping Strikes. Combined with cleave, he landed some awesome crits that stacked up on the Tauren Shamen. Unfortunately, they used warstomp and revealed the first ambush group of Night Elf Rogues. Fortunately, Choppy was ready for this move. He let out a battle cry: the signal for the Night Elf Hunters to come out of shadowmeld and begin to pelt the first wave. The combination of Choppy's Sweeping Strikes, constant backstabs and sinister strikes, and Mome's rather impressive healing prowess allow for them to repel the first wave.
However, Centria walks up to Chopppy. Surveying the battlefield already, they notice that many Night Elves were defeated.
Choppy: Is not the graveyard close by?
Centria points over to the east. Choppy sees the graveyard, but it is already camped with a bunch of undead. A couple night elf rogues respawn but are immediately dispatched.
Choppy: I see...no matter...we have repelled the first wave.
Choppy points out to the front line, where reviving shamen are caught by traps. Remington lines up an aimed shot and drops another Tauren Shamen.
Remington: Yeh I wants me FRIES with that one! Bring on da next round of cows!
However, Choppy feels the fatigue gripping his body. Looking around, He notices that the Night Elf rogues are weakened as well, as there are very few night elf warriors except for Centria to stand with him, thus they have a very weak front line to bear the brunt of THE REAL HORDE'S assault.
Remington hands Choppy his Ornate Spyglass. Choppy peers through to the hills, where he sees Stompemgood riding his Epic Kodo Mount bought with money stolen from the Orgrimmar Children's Fund.
Stompemgood: THE REAL HORDE will not be denied this area! The first step towards balance is to eliminate Chillwind Point. Why do they have a base so close to the Undercity?! Such imabalance! Why, they are only one zone away! (he warstomps to gain THE REAL HORDE'S attention.) CHARGE MY BALANCED BROTHERS! CRUSH THE IMBALANCED SCUM!
The ground beneath Chillwind Point begins to tremble as the large amounts of Tauren jump on their Kodos and ride in a charge against Chillwind Point. Behind them, the Undead ride on their undead steads, shrieking their WoTF cry over the sound of the warstomps.
Choppy and Centria stand in the front, ready to die protecting the weaker leather and cloth wearing classes. However, as the front of the charge reaches the base, they are all entangled. Choppy sees Virco and the Night Elf Druids stopping the front of the charge.Virco fears a pack of the tauren off, but the undead ride past as they are immune.
Virco: Damned cheaters! Druids, use moonfire on them so they cannot hide!
The sound of spam moonfire is heard as tauren and night elf druids exchange it between themselves. Virco is entangled but he sacrifices his voidwalker and runs over to Choppy.
Virco: The Tauren and Undead are too much for us. They have warriors too!
Centria: I am afraid that the dwarf reinforcements will not arrive in time.
Choppy was sad, as it looked like they were going to have to retreat. But he knew that he had to do something to prevent Stompemgood from gaining more prestiege with the God Masters.
Choppy: Centria, you must instruct your brothers to retreat to Southshore.
Centria signals the retreat: Night Elves begin to cloak. REmington sets up a wall of target dummies.
Remington: Thos' stupid Tauren, they only spam frost shock! They cannae tell de diff'rence between mah dummies and real people!
The dummies bravely take the frost shock beating as the remaining hunters set frost traps behind themselves. The night elves hop on the gryphons to Southshore.
Choppy: Okay, lets go!
However, the gryphon master refuses to sell a ride to Choppy and Mome because they are not members of the alliance. He sends some scary enraged gryphons after them before he hops on the last gryphon out.
Mome: Damn dem cowards! We cannot outrun dem ghost wolves!
But Centria had an idea: We can make for Anderhol...and hide in one of the broken houses! Just don't aggro the Scourge!
Choppy: That is a good idea!
Choppy, Centria, Virco, Remington and Mome party up and run for Anderhol as the remaining guards are killed.
Stompemgood: Hahaha! Let us go back and turn in the quest for the Barov Peasant Caller! The rest of you! I smell weakness here! Choppy and his friends must be around, find them and stomp their bodies into a pulp!
A group of THE REAL HORDE chase them into Anderhol. However, they are not careful and aggro a lot of Scourge and they are forced to retreat. Choppy and his friends hide in a busted down house. However, Choppy has something he must do.
Choppy: I must strike down Stompemgood if the Night Elves are to keep their standings with the God Masters!
Centria: You are brave for fighting for us, come, I know a passage out of here!
Mome: Lets-
Choppy: No I must go alone!
Mome: Be careful, mon.
Choppy makes it to the edge of town and calls his faithful mount to his side. He rides to the east, managing to catch up to Stompemgood. Stompemgood, like all imbalanced shamen, cannot help but to attack alliance members who cannot fight back.
Stompemgood: Fe Fi Fo Fum! Mwahahahah! (he warstomps another gnome) Wheeeeee! (earthshock followed by windfury takes out another)
However, as he uses another spell on a weaker gnome mage, the gnome manages to cast counterspell on Stompemgood.
Stompemgood: You little overpowered--(another warstomp, another pancaked gnome)
Choppy sneaks up behind him and charges, catching Stompemgood off guard.
Stompemgood: You little ganker! You think you can beat me? Haha you are a weak orc! Orcs are weak! No match for Tauren!
Choppy: I won't let you destroy the little balance left in this world!
They fight. Stompemgood tries to Frost Shock but he is still counterspelled.
Stompemgood: Damned gnomes!
Choppy lands an awesome crit mortal strike and uses piercing howl to daze Stompemgood. Stompemgood cannot heal himself nor run away, he realizes that he might be beaten!
Choppy: I told you that one day I would beat you! I am a proud orc!
Stompemgood laughed: You may be proud, but you are still weak! Take this! Haha!
Stompemgood warstomps Choppy. He then uses a major healing potion, followed by a greater healthstone.
Choppy: You have no honor!
Stompemgood: I have tons of honor: I always win in Warsong Gulch! Ghost wolf for the win! Hahaha!
The counterspell wears off and Stompemgood pelts Choppy with frost shock. Choppy counters with intercept and then uses disarm, removing Stompemgood's own Arcanite reaper from his hands.
Stompemgood: Haha, you are weak! You still cannot defeat me! My men are coming now! You will make a great sacrifice to the God Masters!
Choppy knew that he only had one move left in his arsenal that would give him the power to kill Stompemgood in one more strike.
Choppy: Blood fury!
Stompemgood: Haha, you trying to kill me with laughter?
However, Choppy's newfound strength allows him to land such an awesome crit Mortal Strike that Stompemgood is sent packing.
Stompemgood: Impossible!
Stompemgood falls over, defeated.
Choppy: I did it! I DID IT! HUZZAH!
Choppy starts to dance. However, in his state of jubilee, he fails to notice Stompemgood ressurecting on the spot, ready to go again.
Stompemgood: Haha, did you miss me! Looks like you broke your Arcanite Reaper for nothing!
Choppy was stunned. He looked down at his axe: the might behind the last mortal strike was so powerful that it broke the last amount of durability within it!
Choppy: Oh no...my strength is fading...
Choppy felt the effect of weakness stemming from his use of Blood Fury.
Stompemgood: See? Weak! I can smell the weakness! My friends can smell the weakness too! Here they come!
The smell of weakness that eminates from Choppy's weakened body is so bad that it draws back some of the Night Elves who cannot help but to be drawn to attack it. The Undead and Tauren join them in the race to get the finishing hit in on Choppy.
Stompemgood: Now I will finish you with the very axe that you made me! Hahahaha!
He raises his own arcanite reaper and swings down, but Choppy is summoned by Virco back to Anderhol at the last second.
Virco: That was close! Looks like he kicked ass and took names!
Remington: Aye, but he took a beat'in as well!
Centria: We will have to leave soon, we do not want to be here at nightfall....
Meanwhile...back at Uther's Tomb...
Valius and Shockzilla are duking it out. However, the holy zeal within Valius has given him the courage to face Shockzilla.
Shockzilla: You overpowered cry baby! Your kind cries constantly about this and that! Accept your position! Know your role!
Valius: I will defeat you! For Uther!
Valius charges Shockzilla. Shockzilla purges him but Valius quickly uses SoC again. This time, he manages to land an awesome crit that triggers SoC, which also crits.
Valius: Haha! Take that, blasphemer!
However, Shockzilla uses his instant heal abilities and renews his assault on Valius. Windfury tears into Valius and earth shock suppreses all of his moves, as they are linked for some reason. But Valius won't give up.
Valius: Try this!
Valius pulls out some grenades and chucks them at Shockzilla, who is dazed long enough for Valius to heal again. Valius then uses hammer of justice, and backs out, healing again.
Shockzilla: Oh my god! Imbalance!
Valius returns to the fray, exchanging hits with Shockzilla. Again, Valius uses a grenade, runs back, heals, then runs back in to fight. He is warstomped but he uses his divine shield, followed by another hammer of justice to stop Shockzilla from healing. He heals again.
Shockzilla: Noob! You are out of mana!
Valius: You are too!
Shockzilla: You forget! I still out-melee you!
Windfury again tears into Valius. Valius swings away with regular hits, but he realizes that he won't be able to defeat him at this pace.
Shockzilla: You cannot win! I've already beaten you 4 times in this fight! Just die already!
Valius: For Uther's sake, I shall never die!
Valius uses lay on hands and recovers enough mana to use hammer of justice again. He throws another grenade and then manages to land another crit SoC. Shockzilla tumbles over, defeated.
Valius: When we paladins use all of our moves, you cannot hope to defeat us!
Shockzilla revives, but Valius chucks another grenade at him, followed by the netomatic. It doesn't backfire for once, and Shockzilla is caught inside of it.
Valius: Engineering for the win!
Valius uses a Sapper Charge on himself. He survives the explosion, while Shockzilla is defeated. Valius falls down to his knees, exhausted.
Valius: I defeated...a shaman! I defeated a shaman! Yes!!!!
He stands up and approaches the large statue of Uther. He reaches up, and grasps Uther's Hammer. He feels the power radiating from it... a cool, refreshing, balanced power.
Valius: Amazing...truly amazing...forgive me for disturbing your rest Lord Uther.
Fangtooth immediately comes up behind him.
Fangtooth: MIGHTLY VALIUS, YOU HAVE THE HAMMER! QUICKLY! GIVE IT TO ME!
Valius: You sure got here fast! Did you see me kill that shaman! It was great! I've never beaten someone in a fight before!
Fangtooth: YES YES, YOU WERE GREAT! NOW, THE HAMMER! QUICKLY, I MUST FIGHT FOR BALANCE AS WELL!
Valius hands over Uther's Hammer to Fangtooth.
Valius: You know, why couldn't you just grab it yourself?
Fangtooth: DO NOT QUESTION ME! I AM OFF TO FIGHT FOR BALANCE...YOU SHALL BE REWARDED...UPON MY RETURN...
Fangtooth triumphantly laughs as he soars away, the power of balance in his hands.
Choppy was a proud Orc.His quest for balance was tough, but he had no idea what was to come. The God Master Fangtooth promised to fight for balance...but what is his version of balance? Unconcious, Choppy is tormented by visions of the future...a future where a God Master forces his cruel beliefs of balance onto the world with an iron fist...
Once upon a time there was an Orc Warrior named Choppy. Choppy was a proud orc warrior and his best friend was a troll priest named Mome. They were best friends. They joined a guild called "THE REAL HORDE" in the beginning and have been happy members ever since. Upon hearing about the upcoming quest to kill Onyxia, Choppy practiced constantly, reaching level 60 and having very good gear, especially the Arcanite Reaper he had made. He was a happy orc warrior.
As the day to kill Onyxia arrived, Choppy met up with Mome and they rode into Orgrimmar, as THE REAL HORDE was meeting in the Orgrimmar Inn. They were proud to be part of such a powerful guild that would go down in history as the ones who had defeated the evil dragon. Choppy was happy that he was chosen to be the main tank against Onyxia by the leader of THE REAL HORDE, Draky the orc warlock.
However, when they reached the Inn, they noticed that there was not a single troll or orc member of THE REAL HORDE in attendence. Surely they were given the mail as well? Confused, Choppy went to the assistant guildmaster of THE REAL HORDE, a tauren shaman named Stompemgood.
Choppy: "Where are the orc and troll members? We need them to help us kill Onyxia!"
But Stompemgood laughed. "We voted to remove all of the weak races from THE REAL HORDE. After all, THE REAL HORDE is powerful in pvp and in pve! No need for weak Orc and Troll members!"
Choppy: "Orcs are not weak!"
Stompemgood laughed again. "Your puny Blood Fury is no match for WARSTOMP!" Stompemgood uses warstomp, and the inn quakes as the other tauren warstomp with him.
Choppy: "I'll show you! Duel me"
Choppy duels Stompemgood. Choppy lands an awesome crit Mortal Strike and dazes Stompemgood with Piercing Howl. However, Stompemgood uses warstomp, heals himself, then uses earthbind totem to keep Choppy from moving. Unable to reach Stompemgood, Choppy is pelted with frost shock, with one crit doing 1400+ damage. Choppy is defeated....
Choppy: "Ugh... warstomp...frost shock....too powerful for me......"
Stompemgood: "You are weak! REROLL OR LEAVE weak orc!"
Choppy: "I am a proud orc! One day I'll return and defeat you tauren and prove that orcs are the best!" Choppy limps out of the Inn, disgraced.
Mome tries to reason with Stompemgood. "Surely ya be needen' mah healing skills to fight de dragon mon?"
Stompemgood laughs again. "Weak troll, we have no need for you. If you wanted to be a real priest you would be Undead! Throwing skill +5 is no match for Devouring plague! Undead are fearless!
The undead members howl and shreak together as they use WOTF.
Mome, angered, shouts: "I can kill any of you undead mon!"
Stompemgood laughs. "Duel the new guild lieutenant: Skeledude!"
Skeledude, an undead priest comes up. "Duel meeeeeeee....."
They duel, and as they clash, they both use scream. Unfortunately, WOTF makes Skeledude immune and Mome is feared off, and defeated with a crit mind blast combined with shadow word pain, flay, and devouring plague.
Mome groans. "Devouring plague is.... too much... for me...."
Skeledude laughs, the undead shreak again as they use WOTF. "Begone weakling!"
Stompemrage laughs again, and warstomps with his fellow tauren. "Now we are really THE REAL HORDE! Without these weaklings we can stomp the monsters and fear the alliance!"
Mome and Choppy walk to the entrance of Orgrimmar as the sound of shreaking WOTF and the quaking warstomp are heard in the distance....
Choppy: "If only we could start our own guild of trolls and orcs, we could show them!"
Mome sighs. "Dat would be hard, mon, for everyone rolled da undead and da horde mon."
Choppy yelled: "Then we will leave the city and fight our enemies alone. We shall journey the land and become notorious amongst our allies and enemies!"
That day they set out on their grand adventure. Initially they are successful, but as they reach alliance lands, corpse runs are more frequent because it is overpopulated with Night Elf rogues and hunters.
Mome: "We cannot see dem enough... so many of dem."
Choppy: "I can kill many of them... but they outnumber us like the tauren and undead outnumber us in the horde...."
They look down the road and see a tauren shaman named Shockzilla. He is ganked by two rogues. However, the shaman warstomps and takes out one Night Elf rogue with a crit frost shock plus windfury in less than five seconds, leaving the other rogue alone. the rogue stealths but the shaman's earthbind catches him through stealth and the shaman windfuries him to death.
Choppy: "I see you didn't need our help."
Shockzilla: "I dont need any help from you weak trolls and orcs. No raids for you noobs!"
Mome and Choppy are depressed. Journeying further, they encounter a human paladin named Valius walking along the road from Darkshire to Netherguarde Keep.
Mome: "I've heard about those guys, they are impossible to beat!"
Choppy: "I don't know Mome, he doesn't look so tough...."
Choppy charges Valius. They fight, and Choppy forces Valius to use his shields. Choppy bandages easily, and Valius cannot run because he is hamstringed. Valius lands a crit seal of command but Choppy is healed by Mome. Valius falls to his knees and awaits death.
Choppy: "That was too easy.... I feel so bad for this paladin, he is all alone, he is like us.. exiled from our homes because we are weak..."
Mome hesitates but agrees. "We should help him." They give him food and Mome heals him, and they make camp. At first Mome uses holy sign language to communicate with Valius. However, Choppy is fluent in 1337 5/*34|< and they communicate.
Choppy: "\/\/|-|/-\7 1 5 \/\/ 12 0 /\/ (_- ?" (What is wrong?)
Valius: "/\/\ 3 = \/\/ 3 4 |<" (Me = weak)
They talk some more, and Choppy translates for Mome.
Mome: "What did he say Choppy?"
Choppy: "This paladin is an outcast because the Alliance want someone who can do damage. Paladins don't do damage, and seal of command only works once a day. Human racial traits also are bad..... he is constantly harassed for who he is... like us."
Mome: "But all those stories by shaman how paladins eat babies and crap thunder. . . one paladin singlehandedly destroyed all of shamandom many years ago!"
Choppy: "Those stories are a bunch of lies. . . perpetrated by the shamen so they can keep their powers. . . poor paladins. They are like us, our racial abilites a stigma for us. . . no one likes orcs or trolls in the horde. . . and no one likes paladins in the alliance. we are weak. . . "
Mome: "I want proof. . . there goes Shockzilla. ."
Mome and Choppy hide in the bushes, as Shockzilla chases down Valius in ghost wolf form. Valius uses seals and blessings, but Shockzilla purges them and laughs, followed by warstomp. Valius tries to heal but he is earthshocked and cannot. Valius cries in pain as windfury slices his armor, which is already battered and broken because paladins cannot farm money.
Choppy: "No we cannot let this tauren kill him!"
They jump in and help Valius. In the ensuing battle, Choppy lands an awesome crit Mortal Strike for 1600 on Shockzilla. Choppy almost dies from being slowed by frost shock but valius cleanses him. The battle lasts hours, but finally, Choppy executes Shockzilla after shockzilla knocks Valius and Mome out with shock spam.
Choppy: "I know not what evil gods gave you your powers. . . but you have been defeated vile tauren shamen."
As Choppy turns to help Mome and Valius up, Shockzilla revives and frost shocks Choppy in the back, and Choppy is knocked out. Valius watches as Shockzilla turns to attack him and finish him off, but a crack from a rifle finally defeats Shockzilla. A dwarf hunter named Remington walks up. "Are ye guys okay?" He aims his gun at Mome but Valius stops him. "They helped me... we must get them away before the shaman revives.
Choppy and Mome awake on the beach as Valius and Remington are fishing.
Mome (signing): Valius who is that guy?
Valius (signing): He is a dwarf named Remington.
Choppy (leet): A dwarf hunter, I did not know such a thing existed. . . so many night elf hunters. . .
Remington (speaks leet when drunk): Aye, we are a rare lot, but they force meh ta use a bow. A BOW! What kind of cruel creator makes a bow more powerful than a gun! And bestows upon the world more bows! (remington produces a staff) Look at this crap! (the staff morphs into a bow and back) This is my epic reward!!!!!
Choppy (leet): I see, we are all underappreciated by the gods of our world.
And by the campfire there the four swore an oath to work together and find a way to appease the gods in the (hopeless) effort to get them to bestow power upon to them. Working together, they managed to kill a shamen 4 on 1. Working together, Mome defeated an undead priest with Valius cleansing devouring plague from him. Working together, they were able to spam aoe and detect the stealthed night elves before they could cheap shot / sword sinister strike spam them to death. It was the beginning of a new alliance, a new horde, dedicated to creating balance in a world that had not seen balance since warcraft 1. . .
Choppy was a proud orc. He was happy he had made new friends. With Remington and Valius they were able to reduce their corpse runs by about 20% and enjoyed the ability to be able to defeat one Tauren shamen at a time. Valius taught Mome and Choppy to speak Common and Choppy made Valius a sweet arcanite reaper, which allowed Valius to do damage once a day. However, Choppy was still depressed.
Mome: "What be wrong my friend?"
Choppy: "I am wondering what happened to Draky."
Valius: "Who is Draky?"
Choppy: "He is a mighty orc warlock, the greatest in the world!"
Choppy explained to his friends how Draky founded THE REAL HORDE and turned it into the greatest guild the Horde had ever known, and why he owes so much to Draky.
Choppy: "Draky picked me up off the streets of Orgrimmar and taught me what it means to be a proud Orc."
Valius: "This orc sounds honorable, we must find him if we are to bring balance back to the world of warcraft."
The group agrees on the decision and they begin their walk to Draky's house in the Badlands. However, when they arrived, the house was destroyed, the ground covered in warstomp prints.
Mome: "They beat us to him 'mon."
Choppy and his friends sift through the rubble and find a note from Stompemgood.
"We are going to wipe out all weak races! Come get your weak master at Blackrock Mountain!"
Remington: "Blackrock Mountain? Aye thats just south of here."
Choppy: "We must save him!"
Along the way they see a Human Warlock named Virco who is being constantly sapped by 3 undead rogues. Virco recovers and casts fear but the undead rogues use WOTF and keep him sapped while they kill his beloved felhunter.
Valius: "If we can save that warlock his felhunter can reveal the hidden undead for us!"
Mome: "But how can we beat 3 of them? There could be tons more!"
Remington: "I can handle this!"
Remington casts volley around Virco, and the rogues are temporarily revealed. Valius casts blessing of protection on Virco and Choppy attacks one of the rogues, using rend to keep him from vanishing, followed by hamstring and mortal strike and thunder clap and heroic strike,killing him. The other two rogues attack Valius, but thanks to his retribution aura and shields, he can keep healing and the rogues scurry off screaming imbalance, typing furious complaints to the god masters (gms).
Virco: "Thank you guys. I thought I was going to be sapped forever! Paladin look out you have horde with you! (casts fear on Choppy and Choppy runs off a cliff).
Valius: "No no they are our friends, they saved us. We are on a quest to bring world balance! Join us and we will work on making sure the god masters hear our pleas."
Virco: "A world with balance.... I couldn't imagine anything more beautiful than that!"
Virco joins up and they summon Choppy back from the bottom of the cliff.
Virco: "Sorry about that."
Choppy: "It is okay. Could you help us rescue my friend Draky? He is being held hostage by the evil tauren shaman, Stompemgood, in Blackrock Mountain."
Virco: "Anything to kill those overpowered SOBS!"
The party huddles around Virco's pet felhunter in order to keep the undead rogues away. One of the rogues attacks but Valius uses hammer of justice on him, followed by an awesome crit Mortal Strike from Choppy.
Mome: "Valius, why don't you use turn undead on the undead rogues? Or exorcism?"
Valius sighs. "The god masters took away my ability to kill the undead a long time ago. However they left my abilities in tact as a cruel joke."
Mome: "But the undead always told me that the paladins could exorcise them from miles away and cast fear that made the undead run from one end of the world to the other!"
Valius laughs and sighs again. "The only time the undead run from one end to the other is when they are chasing me."
Mome: "All those lies the tauren and undead told me about you paladins. I am sorry for misunderstanding you Valius."
They make it into the mountain and cross the chains to see Draky being permasapped by the undead rogues, while undead priests mind control and fear stray alliance, orcs, and trolls into the lava for free 10% durability loss. Choppy sees Stompemgood on top of the rock.
Choppy: "Let my friend go Stompemgood! How can you betray him?! He was a father figure to us!"
Stompemgood laughs. "Weakling, I knew you were weak but you brought a PALADIN with you to stop us?" Stompemgood and his cronies laugh hysterically at Valius, who is sad.
Choppy: "You won't get away!"
Many undead rogues appear and undead priests with them. They all shreak as they use WOTF, making them immmune to Virco and Mome's fear moves. However, the rogues advancing are caught by Remington's freezing trap, allowing the party to run up the stairs to the top of the rock and reach Stompemgood, who is guarded by Shockzilla and Skeledude.
Choppy: "Why do you oppose balance?!"
Stompemgood laughs. "We are balanced! Don't you get it? While you ally with overpowered paladins, innocent tauren and undead are dying by the thousands at the hands of their 1000 damage holy shocks and feared off cliffs!"
Valius: "Your hypocrasy is appalling."
Stompemgood: "The paladin thinks hes balanced!" THE REAL HORDE members laugh, echoing throughout the mountain. "Paladins don't know anything about balance!"
Choppy's group engages in battle with Stompemgood's group. The cloaked undead are discovered by Virco's felhunter and Remington chucks dynamite at them. Choppy attacks Stompemgood while Valius attacks Shockzilla. As Skeledude tries to spam devouring plague, Mome mind controls him and jumps him into the lava. The battle is going extremely well for CHoppy's group until....
Stompemgood: "Their imbalance is too much, we're losing 5 on 2!"
Shockzilla: "We must use our most balanced move!"
Both shamen cast grace of air totem and gain -agility, which grants them 100% dodge and crit. Shockzilla crits Remington's sewer beast for 1200 followed by a 1400 shock, while Stompemgood windfuries Choppy into submission. Valius tries to heal him but he is earthshocked. Mome tries to heal but the party is chain warstomped. The shamen use astral recall and Choppy tries to unchain his friend Draky.
Draky: "Choppy my friend, you will do well in founding a new guild dedicated to world balance."
Choppy: "Come with us!"
Draky: "It is too late, the god masters have answered their pleas and i have lost the ability to move!"
Valius: "Damned god masters! Do they not listen to the plight of the meek?"
Draky: "You have a warlock amongst you. Though he be human, he is just as broken as I am, yearning to be fixed and returned to a state of balance. Do not worry about me, for death is a release. I will no longer be laughed because I look stupid riding a felsteed!"
Choppy: "I won't forget all that you have done for me!"
Choppy turns and sees the tauren shamen and warriors warstomping the chains, causing the rock to fall closer into the lava. Choppy and his friends get off and run to the exit as the central rock collapses into the lava.
Valius: "The quest for balance will claim many a life."
Mome: "That be true mon"
Remington: "Damn right, would you believe I have to trade bullets for arrows now! That isn't right at all! Why must I be cursed forever to use a flimsy stick with a string to fight my enemies?! And my pet doomed to being useless?!"
Choppy: "We will all achieve balance one day Remington. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger!"
Virco: "Too bad now that we won the god masters will nerf us soon."
Valius: "Can they nerf me through my shield?"
Virco: "Yep"
Valius cries.
And so, having gained a friend and lost another, Choppy and his friends continue the beaten path, destined to search for balance until the end of time, while Stompemgood and THE REAL HORDE continue to abuse their relationship with the god masters.
Choppy was a proud orc. But he sad to have lost his good friend Draky. Draky submitted to the distruction as the god masters deemed the prayers of Stompemgood and his cohorts worthy enough to strip Draky of his ability to walk in the name of balance. Draky bid farewell to his friend, telling Choppy to lead his friends in the name of balance. Though weak alone, together they were strong enough to take on one shaman, and with the addition of Virco to their party, they cut their corpse runs by 35%.
After the incident in Blackrock Mountain, the group decided to set up shop in Booty Bay. Here they pondered there next plan.
Choppy: What can we do to appease the god masters and gain balance?
The group debated the issue for many days.
Valius: We could try to organize a class strike!
Virco: That wouldn't work, since everyone is night elf on the alliance, and everyone is tauren and undead on the horde. If we call a balance strike, only one or two dozen people would show up.
Choppy: That would be bad! Stompemgood would have us all bottled up in one spot to warstomp us to death!
Remington: Aye, that would be bad! I want to live to see balance!
As they continued to debate, the shreaks of WOTF were heard outside: the undead rogues and priests were in combat with the night elf hunters and rogues again.
Mome: Dis place be bad for our health, mon.
Valius: We should sneak over to the boat and ride to the Barrens!
Choppy and Mome cry.
Choppy: But the Barrens is so big.....
Mome: We spent most of our lives there, mon.
But Valius would not hear it.
Valius: If we are to save balance in the world of warcraft, we must go!
So they left the inn and made their way to the dock. However, the second they walked out they were promptly feared into the water. They walked back up the ramp and onto the ship, but it was loaded with night elf and undead rogues sinister striking (with swords) each other, their thrash blade procs constantly adding an additional hit.
Remington: We're gonna die before we leave the dock!
Choppy: We should swim along the beach and go to Grom'Gol! They have a zepplin there!
Valius sighs : That zepplin is so not fair!
Mome: But you paladins have instant transmission, you can go anywhere in the universe!
Valius sighs again.
Mome: Oh, shaman story, right.
Virco casts unending breath on them and they jump off the boat and swim north. While swimming they encounter a bunch of Tauren and Night Elf druids swimming in waterform fighting eachother. Unable to defeat eachother, they smell the weakness given off by Choppy and his friends and they swim after them.
Choppy: Oh no, druids!
Valius: Whats wrong with druids?
Choppy: They entangle me forever and it always works!
One of the druids entangles Choppy but Valius cleanses him.
Valius uses seal of command and to his luck its one a day proc works. However he is instantly entangled. Choppy charges the druid heading for Valius, landing an awesome crit Mortal Strike, but he too is entangled. Valius cleanses them both and Mome uses fear to fear off the first wave.
Valius: That wasn't so hard!
Then one of the druids starts to spam moonfire on Valius.
Valius: Ow ow! (uses heal) Ow! (cleanses moonfire) Ow! Ow! Does it ever stop?!
Virco: Those damned hypocrites! Always spewing their lies about balance when they themselves are broken! (turns to the Night Elf druid) We're on a quest to bring world balance!
NE DRUID: We are balanced! Die imbalanced warlock!
Tauren Druid: Yes but we're more balanced! You guys have shadowmeld!
The NE Druids stop in their tracks.
NE DRuid: What the hell? SHADOWMELD?! You guys have warstomp!
The Tauren druids and the NE druids begin to fight eachother again. The Tauren druids warstomp so hard that the island they are on sinks, but not before Choppy and his friends reach the next island.
Mome: That was close, mon.
They reach Grom'gol. Virco fears off one guard and Remington traps another as they all get onto the Zepplin.
Remington: This damned contraption, I feel filthy riding it. You would think the god masters would let us dwarves fly our own flying machines but noooooo! We build the airport FOR NOTHING!
Mome: But you do have the Deep Run Tram ya know mon.
Remington: It takes me from one newbie zone to the other! Yours takes you to both continents, plus to Stranglethorn! The Alliance doesn't even HAVE A BASE in Stranglethorn!
Choppy: Now that you mention it, that does seem rather unfair.
The zepplin leaves as the Tauren DRuids, having stomped their NE brothers into submission, reach the base of the tower.
Tauren Druid: WHY DON'T WE HAVE A FLYING FORM?! GM!!!!!
God Master: You rang, oh weakling Tauren?
Tauren DRuid: WE NEED A FLYING FORM TO CATCH THE ZEPPLIN!
God Master: Gotcha, flying form for tauren druid. You wanna warstomp in the air while you are at it?
Tauren Druid: YES!
God Master: Okay, it'll be in the next patch. I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in the world of warcraft!
As the Zepplin's engine propels them northward, Choppy looks over the edge at the ocean, knowing that the Tauren are right behind him, and the undead wait for him at the end of the Zepplin's journey.
Valius: This is going to the undercity?!
Mome: Ya mon it be headin' there.
Remington: Just great, and I am out of (shudders) arrows (shudders again).
Just then the clouds part and a God Master appears before them.
God Master: You there, hunter!
Remington: A god master? Where the hell have you been all my life?
God Master: (coughs a bit) SILENCE MORTALS. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THE MASS PRAYING BY NIGHT ELF HUNTERS HAS LED US TO BESTOW UPON THEM RENEWED STRENGTH TO THE HUNTER CLASS. NO LONGER SHALL YOUR ENEMY DODGE YOUR SHOTS, AND YOUR PETS WILL NOT HAVE THEIR STRENGTH FURTHER REDUCED!
Remington yawns: Is that it? Get away from me!
God Master: I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY- (coughs) oh yeah heres a new bow. I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY IN THE WORLD OF WARCRAFT.
The light gradually retreats to the clouds, but stops halfway.
God Master: Almost forgot! (clears throat) HENCEFORTH, SEDUCE SHALL NOW COUNT TOWARDS FEAR!
Virco: Why have you forsaken me my lord, why?!!!
Virco's Succubus appears and jumps off the zepplin, using Virco's sack of soul shards to drown herself.
Virco: The only girl I ever knew... wait, that wench took my soul shards! DAMNIT! ALL THAT WORK FOR NOTHING!
Virco tries to jump over the side after her but he is restrained by Choppy and Valius.
The God Master disappears as Valius reads last rites for the succubus and Mome casts mind soothe on Virco.
And so Choppy and his friends fly towards the Undercity, fully aware of the irony that their quest for balance takes them to the home of the undead. The shreaks of WOTF can be heard even as the Zepplin leaves STV. But Choppy is a proud orc, and he will find Balance one way or the other.
Choppy was a proud orc. He had successfully led his friends away from danger in Stranglethorn by taking the zepplin. He was happy to be on the quest for balance, and he would complete it, no matter how long it would take.
But while Choppy and his friends were flying to the glades, a meeting of imbalanced proportions was being held in Thunder Bluff.....
Stompemgood (warstomps): The hourly Tauren Shamen "We're the only balanced class" Meeting has begun. (warstomps around the bluffs) Yes I know, its very hard to get balance with paladins being so hard to kill! They are so imbalanced! (more warstomps)
Shockzilla stands up: Stompemgood and I were ambushed 5 on 2... and we had to use astral recall!!!!
(gasps and shreaks heard from the tauren shamen)
Shockzilla: I know! Those damned paladins are so imbalanced! They cleansed frost shock!
(tears come to many Tauren Shamen eyes)
Shockzilla: If only I could've shocked faster, I could've killed them faster!
Stompemgood: Fear not Shockzilla, for we have voted on a new idea to help us. You see, had we had the ability to range stun, like PALADINS (gasps and cries), we would be balanced. Thus, we will be appeasing to the God Masters this new move!
(http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.aspx?fn=wow-shaman&t=101544&p=1&tmp=1#post101544)
Stompemgood: AIR SHOCK!!!!!
(cheers and applause, warstomp)
Stompemgood: A ranged stun knockback!
Random Tauren Shamen: PRAISE BE THE EARTHMOTHER! (warstomp warstomp warstomp)
However an random Orc Shamen speaks up.
Friankara: lightning is our air elemental attack already. not everything has to be a shock!
Stompemgood: WHO LET THAT WEAK ORC IN HERE? ORCS ARE NOT SHAMEN!
Friankara is immediately frost shocked to death and her corpse warstomped to dust.
Stompemgood: ANY OTHER ORCS?
Shockzilla: I smell no more weakness!
Stompemgood: Very good. Now, the next item for review is our upcoming EPIC QUEST REWARD!!
(http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.aspx?fn=wow-shaman&t=100021&p=1&tmp=1#post100021)
Stompemgood: WHAT IS THIS CRAP? WE SHOULD HAVE +20% SPELL CRIT AND +99 ALL STATS IN ORDER TO BE BALANCED WITH PALADINS!
(warstomp warstomp)
Shockzilla: Boooooo. We must sacrifice more gnomes to the God Masters to have them hear our plight!
Stompemgood: Indeed! (warstomp warstomp)
A bunch of gnomes are thrown from Thunder Bluff.
Stompemgood: That'll teach them to use escape artist on our brother druid's entangle! Such imbalance! (warstomp) Now, on to the final item for now: SHOCK RANGE!
(boos and angry warstomps)
Stompemgood: 20 yards is not enough! If we are to be balanced, it must be long enough so we can smack hunters!
(as they warstomp more, the clouds part and the light comes down)
God Master: My children, I have heard thine pleas and tasted the blood of the sacrificed gnome. Your wishes are my command and they shall be in the next patch.
(lots of cheering, warstomps. The light returns to the clouds)
Stompemgood: This meeting has ended; go in balance my brothers. We must continue to fight for balance! TRUE BALANCE! WE ARE THE REAL HORDE!
And so THE REAL HORDE left thunder bluff to ponder what to say in the next meeting, only an hour away, but to a Tauren Shaman, it is almost an eternity.
Choppy saw the mainland. Soon they would be landing. Valius was scared because he is powerless against the undead. Choppy knew he might have to fight all of the undead rogues by himself. He was ready to use relatialtion, but he knew that one kidney shot would spell their doom. But Choppy was a proud Orc, and he was not going to stop his quest for balance. Bravely he took the first step off the zepplin and onto the platform....
And so it shall be.....
Choppy was a proud Orc, perhaps the proudest Orc in all of Azeroth next to Thrall himself. He was the leader of the quest for balance. He was very happy to have friends and be able to quest without fear of being ganked (most of the time). However, as he led his friends into Tirisfal Glades, he could hear the shreaks of the Undead as they WoTF'd their hearts out for the Banshee Queen. But he would not be afraid. The world must have balance, and he was determined to see this quest through to the end. With this newfound courage, he walked onto the zepplin platform, followed by Mome , Virco, and Remington. He placed his sweet arcanite reaper on his shoulder, ever ready to land some awesome crits in the name of balance.
Choppy: My friends, we have arrived in this darkened land, but let us persevere; we shall see balance, and there is no greater a place to start than in the heart of imbalance: Tirisfal Glades.
But Valius was afraid, and he did not get off the zepplin. Choppy sighed, took a deep breath, and turned to him: he had to share his courage with Valius.
Choppy first turned to Valius:
Choppy: Valius, what is wrong, my friend?
Valius was frozen in fear: The undead...are scary....
Mome: But you are da fearless paladin, mon! Exorcise dem!
Valius looked down and chuckled, fear in his voice: Have you ever...tried to use shackle undead on the undead?
Mome: Ya, mon. I shackled dem skeletons all de time in da Stratholme!
Valius: Well, it won't work here....those undead you fought were not protected by the God Masters...
But Mome would not hear it. He walked past Choppy and began to go down the spiral stair case.
Choppy: I remember, as a child, I was told stories about a mighty paladin who didn't take crap from anyone. He was the greatest paladin of all....what was his name?
Valius' eyes looked up, a sense of holy pride filled his body as he stood up and looked Choppy in the eye: Uther! I must go for Uther!
However, he soon felt despair again: "But Uther was killed... by a level 3 death knight....
Choppy: Wow that sucks. I didn't know such imbalance even existed back then.
But Choppy was a clever orc: he would turn pessimism into optimism.
Choppy: Uther would want you to continue his fight , to carry on his legacy! He was a proud paladin. You must be proud too!
Valius looked like a new man.
Valius: I AM PROUD! His legacy shall not be forgotten! We are in the land he once called home...I must pay respect to his gravesite!!!
Valius walked off the zepplin and went down the stairs. Choppy hefted his axe and followed them down. He told them that they were going to sneak into the Western Plaguelands to pay their respects to Uther's grave.
Remington: Dun worry boys, I gots me RADAR all set up to see those bastard undead!
However, 2 undead rogues appeared and began to backstab Virco. Virco, having lost his shards when his succubus committed suicide, had only his imp out.
Virco: Damn you succubus, damn you!!!!
Mome quickly cast power word: shield on him. He tried fear, but their shreaks of WoTF dispelled it. An undead priest joined the fight and feared the group.
Choppy: Use our pvp pendents!
The all use them, but the priest just fears them again.
Remington: (inaudible cursing)
Choppy uses his warrior abilities to ignore the fear. He charges the priest and lands an awesome crit Mortal Strike, followed by an execute. The priest is killed. He then turns to fight the rogues, but they stunlock him. Mome runs up to save his friend.
Mome: SHACKLE UNDEAD!!!
But the spell doesn't work, and the undead laugh at him. Mome then turns to Valius: Exorcise dem man!
But Mome realizes that it didn't work.
Remington, having shaken off his fear, marks one of the rogues. Having run out of *shudder* arrows, he is forced to use his old faithful gun. The smoke puffs from the barrel, and the undead rogue is hit. He turns and runs at Remington. However, with the combined firepower from Remington, Virco, and Virco's imp, they force the undead rogue to run away.
The final rogue, having stunned Choppy, runs at Valius. Valius engages him in combat, but is unable to land a good hit, as seal of command only works once a day.
Valius: Come on COmmand, work for the love of all that is holy!
But it did not work. The undead rogue slammed his mace into Valius, activating the mace specialization, stunning him. Valius saw no choice but to activate his shield. He readied himself....
Remington: Dun do it man! Ya use it and the God Masters will nerf you!
But Valius uses his divine shield. The power of the light surrounds him and the rogue's stuns fade. He quickly heals himself, and turns to fight the rogue...only to find that he has run away.
Inside the Undercity, the undead feel the light eminating from Valius. Skeledude, Stompemgood's left hand man, rallies his undead friends. Tossing gnomes from the top floor, they complain to the god masters.
Two God Masters appear to them...Eyonix the Speedy, and Fangtooth the Sly
Fangtooth: What is wrong?
But Skeledude was very cunning.
Skeledude: Go away Fang.....we want to talk to Eyonix....
Fangtooth leaves. The undead complain to Eyonix, who promises them quick response that will make the front page of the God Master newsletter, as it was done with the shamen.
Fangtooth, in his quest to further abuse the denizens of Azeroth, smiled as he saw Valius used his Divine Shield.
Fangtooth: I shall appease to his despair, and toy with them, for reading the complaints of any class except shaman is not worth my time!
He soared through the elevators out of Undercity and flew to the Bulwark, where the party managed to sneak across the border, for the undead were all in the Undercity complaining.
Fangtooth appeared before them.
Choppy: A God Master!
Remington: Ah crap, not another one! (he pulls his old gun out) Are ye here to take mah gun from me? How about me pet? Huh? The one that has good run speed? Huh? You want to take my-
Fangtooth: SILENCE MORTAL! BUT NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, I NEED A DRINK!
Fangtooth steals Remington's drinks. Remington cries.
Fangtooth: YOU THERE, PALADIN!
Valius looks up.
Fangtooth: I UNDERSTAND YOU ARE ON A QUEST TO VISIT UTHER'S GRAVE. I WILL AID YOU IN YOUR QUEST OF BALANCE: RETURN TO ME UTHER'S HAMMER AND I SHALL FIGHT WITH YOU FOR BALANCE!
But Mome was not impressed.
Mome: Be veery careful, mon. De trolls were once taken in by dis GM's promises...we have yet to-
Valius was excitied: For many a year had paladins tried to get the God Master's attentions: He might be the first!
Valius: I SHALL GET UTHER'S HAMMER FOR YOU! I SHALL NOT FAIL, FOR BALANCE MUST COME BACK TO THE WORLD!
Fangtooth faked a godly laugh of approvement: VERY WELL MY LITTLE PLAYTHI- I MEAN- MY MIGHTY PALADIN. I LOOK FORWARD TO HOLDING UTHER'S HAMMER IN MY HANDS AS I FIGHT FOR YOU IN THE HOME OF THE GOD MASTERS: IRVINEA! FARE THEE WELL MY LOYAL SUBJECTS!
Fangtooth turns around and ascends back into the clouds, giggling like a school girl. Little did Valius know the true goal of Fangtooth, and the role he would play in the corruption of Uther's Hammer...
Choppy: I feel...uneasy...but if we can have a God Master on our side, he will be a great ally in our quest for balance! Let us go!
Choppy was proud to lead his friends into the Western Plaguelands. He was also proud that Valius was full of courage to face the undead. Now they walked into the dark sunset, with the goal to find the grave of Uther.
**********I STOPPED HERE *************
Choppy was a proud Orc. He was leading his friends on a quest to bring balance to the World of Warcraft. He and his friends realized that alone they were weak, but together they could fight off a shaman, or run away from a druid. But they failed in their quest to save Draky, Choppy's friend and mentor. But Choppy knew that they did the best they could: no 5 man party could hope to take on two warstomping shamen with an undead screaming priest. Draky, using the last ounce of strength not nerfed from him by the God Masters, told Choppy that he had to lead his friends towards balance, the proverbial shining light at the end of the tunnel. Choppy saw the light, and each day they journeyed closer to it.
But things were different today. Choppy led his friends through the Bulwark with instructions given to them by the God Master Fangtooth, who promised to help fight for balance. But to battle those who would defend the imbalance, Fangtooth appeared to the paladin Valius and asked him to return Uther's Hammer from the tomb of Uther, in the Western Plaguelands. Valius, having become the first Paladin to be able to call forth a God Master who did not nerf them, was filled with courage. He took up his hammer and held it to the sky, proclaiming that he would return to Fangtooth the hammer of Uther, the very hammer by which imbalance was struck down with for many years. Valius knew that balanced died with Uther. Perhaps, if Fangtooth fought off the God Masters of imbalance with Uther's hammer, balance could be restored!
However, as they traveled east on the beaten path, the sun rose, revealing the large battle that had been taking place around them. Night Elf rogues and hunters, with their druid brothers, were engaging the undead. However, they were backed by Tauren Shamen and Druids. Warstomps quaked through the Western Plaguelands; trees fell, chasms opened, and the sky was thick with dust.
Choppy knew that if one side was able to defeat the other, they would gain supremacy of the land, thus bringing down the potential chance for him to bring balance to the land. He knew something had to be done. Choppy turned to his companions.
Choppy: The night elves are losing. As much as I hate them and their cowardly stealthing, we must make sure that they do not lose.
Mome: What for mon? If dey lose, den-
Remington: If those damnable Night Elves lose, they will lose the favor of their God Masters!
Mome realized what Choppy meant: If DA REAL HORDE gains da support of dem Night Elf God Masters, den da world will be doomed! I 'ate dem elves, but we must help them!
Valius, however, was determined to get Uther's hammer: We must make haste to Uther's Tomb!
Choppy had to convince Valius, but Valius rode off on his warhorse.
Valius: I shall meet you all at the tomb! Good luck!
Remington laughed: When paladins set out to bring balance, they are blind to everything else.
Choppy led his friends to Chillwind point, where they were attacked by Night Elf Rogues. In the ensuing fight, Choppy lands an awesome crit Mortal Strike on the lead rogue, knocking him out of battle. Choppy heard the sound of even more night elves emerging from stealth. He knew what had to be done.
Choppy: Mome! Virco! Remington! Lay down your weapons....we must talk with them...
A night elf rogue walked forward: An Orc that speaks Common? What kind of blasphemy is this?
Remington stepped forward: Shut yer trap ya filthy elf, we're here to help you defeat 'em Tauren 'n Undead!
One of the night elf hunters raised his bow but Remington pulled his rifle and shot it out of his hand.
Remington: Yer damned twig is'a kiddie toy. I'VE GOT A GUN. A GUN IS A TRUE HUNTER'S WEAPON. YOU WILL ALL LISTEN TA ME!
The Night Elf hunters lowered their weapons to listen. The night elf rogues destealthed and the night elf druids came out of cat form.
Remington: Listen 'ere! Them dirty walking hambugers are on their way here. Them shamen are quite the bloody cheaters, so we're here to help you guys from losing!
A night elf druid spoke up: You smell weak to me....
Choppy: We are not weak! Together we can accomplish anything! Why, just last week we killed a shaman!
The night elves, stunned, talk amongst themselves in approval.
One of the night elves walked forward.
Centria: My name is Centria, and I lead these men. ... if you are a shaman slayer, we will need you to help us hold Chillwind Point....
Mome spoke up: Why 'avn't you elf guys attacked the horde?
Centria: Because the Bulwark is not contested territory for some reason....
Choppy: Wow I never knew that.
But Mome was worried: Our paladin isn't here to slay the shamen!
Choppy looked at him.
Mome: Oh ya mon, shaman stories. My bad.
Choppy: We will hold them off, but we must not move any closer. We must maintain our ground...for if we chase the shamen, they will only earthbind us...you all know that frost shock is not a very nice thing to be hit with....
Virco stood up: And I know you NE Druids want to make a barbaque out of those heretic Tauren druids! I mean what the hell, war stomp for a DRUID? How did they become druids in the first place!
NE DRUID: They ARE NOT DRUIDS!
Virco: The druids and I shall handle the cow druids. Bring the A&W sauce boys, tonight we're having steak!
Virco marches off, leading the druids to their position: To hold the horde off at the bridge of Anderhol.
Choppy gathered the Night Elf rogues and Hunters.
Choppy: All these rogues and hunters.. we are your priests?
Centria: We can become priests?
Choppy sighed: No matter, my friend Mome is a proud Troll priest: he will heal your wounds. We must hold Chillwind Point at all costs!
The night elves raise their daggers/bows in the air. But the cries of battle are shuddered as the sounds of WOTF shreaking in the forest combined with the warstomping sends a chill into their souls.
Centria: We will send a runner for help from Ironforge....
Remington: Aye we need some more dwarf power here! A couple clubs will send those walking dead straight back to hell!
Meanwhile, riding alone, Valius reaches the tomb of Uther. Dismounting his warhorse, he walks up to the statue, only to find the corpse of the night elf cleric who kept watch over the holy site.
Valius: There is evil afoot!
Valius pulls out his hammer: Come forth and face me!
Valius, however, is stunned as Shockzilla comes out from behind the statue.
Shockzilla: Remember me, oh imbalanced one? That priest there was making quite a racket!
Valius: How did you defeat that elite night elf guy?
Shockzilla warstomps.
Valius: Oh yeah...that thing....
On top of the hill behind the tomb, Fangtooth smiled, an evil laugh escaping his mouth. He would soon have the power he needed to enforce his own balance upon the world....
Fangtooth: It doesn't matter who beats who, in the end, I will win this fight myself....
Choppy was a proud orc. He knew that he had to fight to bring world balance. He however did not plan on taking on THE REAL HORDE so fast, nor allying with so many night elf hunters and rogues. But he knew that it had to be done. He hoped that Valius would not get into something that he could not handle. But the battle was coming. Choppy hefted his sweet Arcanite Reaper and readied himself. Today he would show Stompemgood that he was a proud orc: the true warrior of the Horde.
Choppy was a proud Orc, and he was an Orc with a mission: to bring balance back to the World of Warcraft. He and his friends, bound together by their desire for balance, journeyed the land in search of it. This journey led them to the Western Plaguelands.
Here, the God Master Fangtooth appeared and gave a quest of divine balance to Valius: to find Uther's Hammer and return it to Fangtooth. Valius knew that years before, in the Second War, balance was nearly achieved. He knew that balance died with Uther when he was slain by a level 3 Death Knight and a couple ghouls, despite the fact that he had a couple paladins with him. Valius was determined to restore Uther's honor and balance.
Choppy and his friends, minus Valius, joined the Night Elf Hunters/Rogues/Druids in the defense of Chillwind Point, as the THE REAL HORDE was readying an assault upon the encampment. The Tauren warstomped and the undead WotFed, but Choppy was not scared. He picked up his sweet arcanite reaper and readied himself to take the first wave of THE REAL HORDE'S assault.
The first attack was very large, consisting of Tauren Shamen and Undead Rogues, backed by Undead Priests.
Choppy: Not a single Orc or Troll within their ranks...
Remington: That be good news man; butcher 'em all!
Choppy used Challenging Shout to taunt the first wave of shamen. They ran after him and used frost shock and windfury, but Mome quickly healed him. He used his favorite move: Sweeping Strikes. Combined with cleave, he landed some awesome crits that stacked up on the Tauren Shamen. Unfortunately, they used warstomp and revealed the first ambush group of Night Elf Rogues. Fortunately, Choppy was ready for this move. He let out a battle cry: the signal for the Night Elf Hunters to come out of shadowmeld and begin to pelt the first wave. The combination of Choppy's Sweeping Strikes, constant backstabs and sinister strikes, and Mome's rather impressive healing prowess allow for them to repel the first wave.
However, Centria walks up to Chopppy. Surveying the battlefield already, they notice that many Night Elves were defeated.
Choppy: Is not the graveyard close by?
Centria points over to the east. Choppy sees the graveyard, but it is already camped with a bunch of undead. A couple night elf rogues respawn but are immediately dispatched.
Choppy: I see...no matter...we have repelled the first wave.
Choppy points out to the front line, where reviving shamen are caught by traps. Remington lines up an aimed shot and drops another Tauren Shamen.
Remington: Yeh I wants me FRIES with that one! Bring on da next round of cows!
However, Choppy feels the fatigue gripping his body. Looking around, He notices that the Night Elf rogues are weakened as well, as there are very few night elf warriors except for Centria to stand with him, thus they have a very weak front line to bear the brunt of THE REAL HORDE'S assault.
Remington hands Choppy his Ornate Spyglass. Choppy peers through to the hills, where he sees Stompemgood riding his Epic Kodo Mount bought with money stolen from the Orgrimmar Children's Fund.
Stompemgood: THE REAL HORDE will not be denied this area! The first step towards balance is to eliminate Chillwind Point. Why do they have a base so close to the Undercity?! Such imabalance! Why, they are only one zone away! (he warstomps to gain THE REAL HORDE'S attention.) CHARGE MY BALANCED BROTHERS! CRUSH THE IMBALANCED SCUM!
The ground beneath Chillwind Point begins to tremble as the large amounts of Tauren jump on their Kodos and ride in a charge against Chillwind Point. Behind them, the Undead ride on their undead steads, shrieking their WoTF cry over the sound of the warstomps.
Choppy and Centria stand in the front, ready to die protecting the weaker leather and cloth wearing classes. However, as the front of the charge reaches the base, they are all entangled. Choppy sees Virco and the Night Elf Druids stopping the front of the charge.Virco fears a pack of the tauren off, but the undead ride past as they are immune.
Virco: Damned cheaters! Druids, use moonfire on them so they cannot hide!
The sound of spam moonfire is heard as tauren and night elf druids exchange it between themselves. Virco is entangled but he sacrifices his voidwalker and runs over to Choppy.
Virco: The Tauren and Undead are too much for us. They have warriors too!
Centria: I am afraid that the dwarf reinforcements will not arrive in time.
Choppy was sad, as it looked like they were going to have to retreat. But he knew that he had to do something to prevent Stompemgood from gaining more prestiege with the God Masters.
Choppy: Centria, you must instruct your brothers to retreat to Southshore.
Centria signals the retreat: Night Elves begin to cloak. REmington sets up a wall of target dummies.
Remington: Thos' stupid Tauren, they only spam frost shock! They cannae tell de diff'rence between mah dummies and real people!
The dummies bravely take the frost shock beating as the remaining hunters set frost traps behind themselves. The night elves hop on the gryphons to Southshore.
Choppy: Okay, lets go!
However, the gryphon master refuses to sell a ride to Choppy and Mome because they are not members of the alliance. He sends some scary enraged gryphons after them before he hops on the last gryphon out.
Mome: Damn dem cowards! We cannot outrun dem ghost wolves!
But Centria had an idea: We can make for Anderhol...and hide in one of the broken houses! Just don't aggro the Scourge!
Choppy: That is a good idea!
Choppy, Centria, Virco, Remington and Mome party up and run for Anderhol as the remaining guards are killed.
Stompemgood: Hahaha! Let us go back and turn in the quest for the Barov Peasant Caller! The rest of you! I smell weakness here! Choppy and his friends must be around, find them and stomp their bodies into a pulp!
A group of THE REAL HORDE chase them into Anderhol. However, they are not careful and aggro a lot of Scourge and they are forced to retreat. Choppy and his friends hide in a busted down house. However, Choppy has something he must do.
Choppy: I must strike down Stompemgood if the Night Elves are to keep their standings with the God Masters!
Centria: You are brave for fighting for us, come, I know a passage out of here!
Mome: Lets-
Choppy: No I must go alone!
Mome: Be careful, mon.
Choppy makes it to the edge of town and calls his faithful mount to his side. He rides to the east, managing to catch up to Stompemgood. Stompemgood, like all imbalanced shamen, cannot help but to attack alliance members who cannot fight back.
Stompemgood: Fe Fi Fo Fum! Mwahahahah! (he warstomps another gnome) Wheeeeee! (earthshock followed by windfury takes out another)
However, as he uses another spell on a weaker gnome mage, the gnome manages to cast counterspell on Stompemgood.
Stompemgood: You little overpowered--(another warstomp, another pancaked gnome)
Choppy sneaks up behind him and charges, catching Stompemgood off guard.
Stompemgood: You little ganker! You think you can beat me? Haha you are a weak orc! Orcs are weak! No match for Tauren!
Choppy: I won't let you destroy the little balance left in this world!
They fight. Stompemgood tries to Frost Shock but he is still counterspelled.
Stompemgood: Damned gnomes!
Choppy lands an awesome crit mortal strike and uses piercing howl to daze Stompemgood. Stompemgood cannot heal himself nor run away, he realizes that he might be beaten!
Choppy: I told you that one day I would beat you! I am a proud orc!
Stompemgood laughed: You may be proud, but you are still weak! Take this! Haha!
Stompemgood warstomps Choppy. He then uses a major healing potion, followed by a greater healthstone.
Choppy: You have no honor!
Stompemgood: I have tons of honor: I always win in Warsong Gulch! Ghost wolf for the win! Hahaha!
The counterspell wears off and Stompemgood pelts Choppy with frost shock. Choppy counters with intercept and then uses disarm, removing Stompemgood's own Arcanite reaper from his hands.
Stompemgood: Haha, you are weak! You still cannot defeat me! My men are coming now! You will make a great sacrifice to the God Masters!
Choppy knew that he only had one move left in his arsenal that would give him the power to kill Stompemgood in one more strike.
Choppy: Blood fury!
Stompemgood: Haha, you trying to kill me with laughter?
However, Choppy's newfound strength allows him to land such an awesome crit Mortal Strike that Stompemgood is sent packing.
Stompemgood: Impossible!
Stompemgood falls over, defeated.
Choppy: I did it! I DID IT! HUZZAH!
Choppy starts to dance. However, in his state of jubilee, he fails to notice Stompemgood ressurecting on the spot, ready to go again.
Stompemgood: Haha, did you miss me! Looks like you broke your Arcanite Reaper for nothing!
Choppy was stunned. He looked down at his axe: the might behind the last mortal strike was so powerful that it broke the last amount of durability within it!
Choppy: Oh no...my strength is fading...
Choppy felt the effect of weakness stemming from his use of Blood Fury.
Stompemgood: See? Weak! I can smell the weakness! My friends can smell the weakness too! Here they come!
The smell of weakness that eminates from Choppy's weakened body is so bad that it draws back some of the Night Elves who cannot help but to be drawn to attack it. The Undead and Tauren join them in the race to get the finishing hit in on Choppy.
Stompemgood: Now I will finish you with the very axe that you made me! Hahahaha!
He raises his own arcanite reaper and swings down, but Choppy is summoned by Virco back to Anderhol at the last second.
Virco: That was close! Looks like he kicked ass and took names!
Remington: Aye, but he took a beat'in as well!
Centria: We will have to leave soon, we do not want to be here at nightfall....
Meanwhile...back at Uther's Tomb...
Valius and Shockzilla are duking it out. However, the holy zeal within Valius has given him the courage to face Shockzilla.
Shockzilla: You overpowered cry baby! Your kind cries constantly about this and that! Accept your position! Know your role!
Valius: I will defeat you! For Uther!
Valius charges Shockzilla. Shockzilla purges him but Valius quickly uses SoC again. This time, he manages to land an awesome crit that triggers SoC, which also crits.
Valius: Haha! Take that, blasphemer!
However, Shockzilla uses his instant heal abilities and renews his assault on Valius. Windfury tears into Valius and earth shock suppreses all of his moves, as they are linked for some reason. But Valius won't give up.
Valius: Try this!
Valius pulls out some grenades and chucks them at Shockzilla, who is dazed long enough for Valius to heal again. Valius then uses hammer of justice, and backs out, healing again.
Shockzilla: Oh my god! Imbalance!
Valius returns to the fray, exchanging hits with Shockzilla. Again, Valius uses a grenade, runs back, heals, then runs back in to fight. He is warstomped but he uses his divine shield, followed by another hammer of justice to stop Shockzilla from healing. He heals again.
Shockzilla: Noob! You are out of mana!
Valius: You are too!
Shockzilla: You forget! I still out-melee you!
Windfury again tears into Valius. Valius swings away with regular hits, but he realizes that he won't be able to defeat him at this pace.
Shockzilla: You cannot win! I've already beaten you 4 times in this fight! Just die already!
Valius: For Uther's sake, I shall never die!
Valius uses lay on hands and recovers enough mana to use hammer of justice again. He throws another grenade and then manages to land another crit SoC. Shockzilla tumbles over, defeated.
Valius: When we paladins use all of our moves, you cannot hope to defeat us!
Shockzilla revives, but Valius chucks another grenade at him, followed by the netomatic. It doesn't backfire for once, and Shockzilla is caught inside of it.
Valius: Engineering for the win!
Valius uses a Sapper Charge on himself. He survives the explosion, while Shockzilla is defeated. Valius falls down to his knees, exhausted.
Valius: I defeated...a shaman! I defeated a shaman! Yes!!!!
He stands up and approaches the large statue of Uther. He reaches up, and grasps Uther's Hammer. He feels the power radiating from it... a cool, refreshing, balanced power.
Valius: Amazing...truly amazing...forgive me for disturbing your rest Lord Uther.
Fangtooth immediately comes up behind him.
Fangtooth: MIGHTLY VALIUS, YOU HAVE THE HAMMER! QUICKLY! GIVE IT TO ME!
Valius: You sure got here fast! Did you see me kill that shaman! It was great! I've never beaten someone in a fight before!
Fangtooth: YES YES, YOU WERE GREAT! NOW, THE HAMMER! QUICKLY, I MUST FIGHT FOR BALANCE AS WELL!
Valius hands over Uther's Hammer to Fangtooth.
Valius: You know, why couldn't you just grab it yourself?
Fangtooth: DO NOT QUESTION ME! I AM OFF TO FIGHT FOR BALANCE...YOU SHALL BE REWARDED...UPON MY RETURN...
Fangtooth triumphantly laughs as he soars away, the power of balance in his hands.
Choppy was a proud Orc.His quest for balance was tough, but he had no idea what was to come. The God Master Fangtooth promised to fight for balance...but what is his version of balance? Unconcious, Choppy is tormented by visions of the future...a future where a God Master forces his cruel beliefs of balance onto the world with an iron fist...
